Wrapping It Up!

Wow, time has flown and I can’t believe that I am done with the semester.  I have really enjoyed taking the class of Family Relations 160 and I have learned some new things in this class.  What I have appreciated most about this class is that it made me think of issues in different perspectives and also ask myself how Heavenly Father views family.  I have learned many new things that I can apply to my life so that I can better my future family.

These are the top three things that I have learned that has really made me think and improved my perspective. 1)  Research has been done about same sex attractions.  It has been found that people aren’t born with a "gay" gene and that homosexuality isn't genetic.  People consider themselves gay by factors that happened to them throughout their life.  The factors can be if they were wounded by abuse, bullying, not having a father figure, having an over protective mother, didn't have touch or feel loved, or (and) viewed pornography.  It is important to realize that people become gay can be by choice or things that they have experienced. A lot of time gay or lesbian people say that they are born that way and they can't change.  This is not true because people can change.  Heavenly Father can help you change and become a better person no matter what you do in life.  It is important to be close to your family and get help by asking people you are comfortable talking to.  God loves all his children and I believe that family is one of the key points in raising his children.  Marriage is ordained of God between husband and wife and the reason people get married should be because they love each other and they can raise children to be righteous children because everyone is a child of God.  The ways of the world may be changing but Gods laws are never changing.

2. Transition into marriage can be the hardest part for some families.  Couples need to learn how to share living space, coordinate life styles and plans, and getting along. Good marriages adjust by communicating, dividing up money (sharing money), and spending time together.  Each couple is different so they will need to plan according to each other’s needs.  People have tendencies to act a certain way according to how they were raised and transition those understandings into their marriage.  People have unrealistic expectations of marriage, but it is still work that you have to put into to make it work out.  To make realistic expectations couples need to talk about their “marriage contract” before they get married.  The contract should discuss certain issues like how many kids do you want, how will we solve problems, how are we going to communicate, what roles are we going to have… and more questions.  

3. Parenting is a huge responsibility and blessing in families.  Some people don’t want kids because they think they cost too much, too much responsibility, or other reasons.  Being a parent can be the most rewarding thing and I think that it is an amazing opportunity that we have to learn and grow as becoming a parent. When parenting there are better ways to go about certain situations.  It is good to let a child have choices.  If they make a mistake they can choose what their consequence is, within your boundaries.  Another was of parenting is to use I statements to let a child to know that what they are doing makes you feel a certain way and how they could help.  It is important to be positive while teaching because it will work out better and the child will be more understanding.  You also can’t be a push over so have polite requests, use I-statements and be firm.

Our Families really do have an effect on others and on society.  What we learn from our previous families will usually transition to our new marriage so it is important to learn and bring good qualities into your marriage.  I think that each individual has an impact on the family and it is a team effort.  Families can be a safe place for us where we can learn and grow.  Heavenly Father sent us in families because He loves us and he wants us to feel loved and learn from good parents.  I know that marriage is between man and a woman and that even if man’s laws change, Gods laws will always be the same and I need to follow God’s law.  I’m grateful for the family that I have where I can learn to become better and more like thee.

Intimacy in the Latter Years

As you age you still need to continue to have intimacy in your life.  There are many stages in the family life cycle from love, to dating, marriage, newly wed, having young children, parenting adolescents, empty nest, and grand parenting.   There are many different new challenges when growing older.  When parenting adolescents there is more of a need for communication because they want to be treated like an adult.  There is also financial stress because the child will need more money for car, college, and other expenses.  Parenting needs to adjust as the children grows older.  Sometimes the grandparents become the child’s parent because of certain situations.  It has been found that grandmothers feel more relaxed and involved because they have already been a parent.  Children may be hard at times but parenting is very rewarding.  I have heard of people that don’t have anything to look forward to when retiring because it always has been only the spouses and no children.  Older people also feel that they have accomplished something in life and feel proud to have grandchildren and children to call their family and also visit them in their older age.  When people get older there are different challenges but we all need to have intimacy and feel close to others.

Divorce and Remarriage

                Remarriage can be a positive thing if people will work together.  Step families can be hard because you think about how the siblings will need to get along, changing homes, working on making the “new parent” an important part of the child’s life and other changes.   I think that step families are often thought of in a negative factor because it can be hard to form a natural family and feel the same bonds in the first marriage. 

                It usually takes a family two years to settle in and work things out.  This is an important thing to note because many marriages give up because their step families aren’t working the way they thought it should, but really it is normal for there to be many struggles in the first two years.  If couples are also thinking about divorce they shouldn’t marry straight after a divorce because in many cases people thought that divorcing was a huge mistake.  You need to keep perceptive and I think that you also need to remember why you love that person.

                Many people think that money is the issue when getting divorce.  The real issue is how the couples make decisions about money, not necessarily the money.  Decision making in marriage is an important thing so couples should learn how to make decisions together and how they are going to go about that.  When making decisions you should think about the needs of others and not just yourself.  Avoid blaming each other because that just leads to defensiveness.  Also make a covenant in your marriage not just a contract.  I believe that making God part of your marriage will strengthen the marriage and He will help guide you.  You can avoid divorce in a marriage, and a relationship does take work.  I remember my mom telling me that my dad said to my mom when they got married that divorce was never an option.  This teaches me that you need to set up plans and talk to your spouse before you get married that you want this marriage to last and how you are going to do that.  I think positive communication will help marriages become stronger and learning to have love for your spouse even when they do something that frustrates you.

                Sometimes divorce is necessary if there is physical or emotional abuse in the marriage.  Many couples will remarry and develop a new part of their family structure.  It is important when going into a new marriage to not have unrealistic expectations or baggage.  People still need to work out challenges because divorce isn’t a way to escape problems.  It can be hard for families of remarriages at first because children might feel loyalty struggles, emotional scars, and feelings of lost from the breakup of the previous family.  I thought it was important to note that in step families it will take about two years to reach normalcy.  The birth parent should do all of the heavy discipline so there aren’t relationship problems between the child and new parent.  The step parent needs to take on the role as the fantastic uncle or aunt so that they can develop a positive relationship with the child.  Parents need to continue to council together to work out plans in the family.  All families take work, but it is worth it so that you can have a safe place to be where there is love for each person.  New families need to learn to bond but be realistic that their family won’t automatically feel close at first.  Step families can be a positive thing.

Parenting

                Parenting is a critical matter in children’s life and it affects society.  There have been many trends in parenting like delaying having kids, fewer children, no children, an increase in childcare, born outside of marriage and abortion.  Some people don’t want kids because they think they cost too much, too much responsibility, or other reasons.  Being a parent can be the most rewarding thing and I think that it is an amazing opportunity that we have to learn and grow as becoming a parent.  I think that one of the most important things to know is that what you do affects those around you, not just yourself.  There are many important decisions in parenting and I believe that we need to go to Heavenly Father for help and seek his guidance.  Heavenly Father sent a child to you and it is a huge responsibility to raise that special spirit and teach your children the correct ways.

                I learned that when parenting there are better ways to go about certain situations.  It is good to let a child have choices.  If they make a mistake they can choose what their consequence is, within your boundaries.  This is important to have the child think about what they feel is an appropriate consequence so it doesn’t seem that mom and dad are just mean.  Another tool is to use I statements to let a child to know that what they are doing makes you feel a certain way and how they could help.  It is important to be positive while teaching because it will work out better and the child will be more understanding.  You also can’t be a push over so have polite requests, use I-statements and be firm.

                Parenting doesn’t affect only yourself but your whole family and society.  I can’t stress enough how important parents are to a child because they provide all of the needs.  One important need is the need of contact and belonging.  It is important for a child to feel loved and cared for.  It can have a big effect on that person’s life if they had been raised in a home where they felt of worth.  Children are eager to learn and parents can provide that.  There are many important purposes of parenting like socialize a child, prepare the child for life, provide discipline and learning, guidance, and to have the child feel loved.  Parents also get benefits by learning how to sacrifice, develop unselfishness, learn an eternal perspective, and come closer to Heavenly Father by learning how to help their children with His help.

                I have learned more this week about how critical it is to be a good parent and the effects of parenting have on a child.  I think it is important to continue to be a better parent and pray for help to be guided in parenting.  I know that when my parents were positive and were concerned for me out of love I was more willing to be obedient and help out.  When being a parent it is important know when to step in for guidance and when to let your child learn to solve the problem themselves.  Parenting is so important to the development of a child and it has an effect on society.

Work in Family Life

                Families that work together are stronger connected in relationships and have higher family satisfaction.  The definition of work has changed.  Back then families would work together on the farm all day and they would have to learn how to work together and get along.  Husbands and wives would work together and they would divide up chores according to their abilities.  Typically the women would do the house hold chores and the man would do the manual labor.  Ever since the Industrial revolution in 1800-1900 the family life of work changed.  Men were beginning to have work outside of the home for hours a day while the women would stay home and work in the home.  The role of family members work load changed the family because there was more stress on mom to do all of the chores at home, dad had to work for periods of time without feeling connected to the family, and the children would go to school and help with whatever work was needed. 

Now day’s family roles are different for work.  I have found that many family units have the dad work outside of the home and more women want to have a career.  Many people now have the idea that you can make a difference in the world if you have a job and you are successful if you make money.  This makes the idea of a stay at home mother useless and pointless.  I disagree with the way society has begun looking at homemakers.  Women who have the opportunity to stay at home have the opportunity to raise good kids and teach them correct principles.  Homemakers are very important in family life and it is very important work.  It is important for the parents to agree on roles and responsibilities so it feels like there is equality in the home.  Father and mothers each play a critical role in family life and they need to work together as equal partners to have a happy and successful family and work life.

With the change in how our society handles the labor of work it is important to teach children to work.  Instead of having only the parents working, teaching children how to work will benefit them in all aspects of their life.  You can have fun and enjoy work because work makes you feel good after you have been productive and accomplished something.  Little children love to help out and work because they love helping.  It is important to teach work ethic so that they don’t become lazy and think that somebody else will do the work for them.  Working together in a family creates stronger families because you learn skills from parents, learn how to communicate with others, and you also learn how to get along with others.  We should be more kind and do work out of the goodness of our hearts, and not always to get something in return like money.  It is important to teaching kids that they do work not for money but to be helpful and a good person- to build character.  Working together as a family will increase the unity of family.