Divorce and Remarriage

                Remarriage can be a positive thing if people will work together.  Step families can be hard because you think about how the siblings will need to get along, changing homes, working on making the “new parent” an important part of the child’s life and other changes.   I think that step families are often thought of in a negative factor because it can be hard to form a natural family and feel the same bonds in the first marriage. 

                It usually takes a family two years to settle in and work things out.  This is an important thing to note because many marriages give up because their step families aren’t working the way they thought it should, but really it is normal for there to be many struggles in the first two years.  If couples are also thinking about divorce they shouldn’t marry straight after a divorce because in many cases people thought that divorcing was a huge mistake.  You need to keep perceptive and I think that you also need to remember why you love that person.

                Many people think that money is the issue when getting divorce.  The real issue is how the couples make decisions about money, not necessarily the money.  Decision making in marriage is an important thing so couples should learn how to make decisions together and how they are going to go about that.  When making decisions you should think about the needs of others and not just yourself.  Avoid blaming each other because that just leads to defensiveness.  Also make a covenant in your marriage not just a contract.  I believe that making God part of your marriage will strengthen the marriage and He will help guide you.  You can avoid divorce in a marriage, and a relationship does take work.  I remember my mom telling me that my dad said to my mom when they got married that divorce was never an option.  This teaches me that you need to set up plans and talk to your spouse before you get married that you want this marriage to last and how you are going to do that.  I think positive communication will help marriages become stronger and learning to have love for your spouse even when they do something that frustrates you.

                Sometimes divorce is necessary if there is physical or emotional abuse in the marriage.  Many couples will remarry and develop a new part of their family structure.  It is important when going into a new marriage to not have unrealistic expectations or baggage.  People still need to work out challenges because divorce isn’t a way to escape problems.  It can be hard for families of remarriages at first because children might feel loyalty struggles, emotional scars, and feelings of lost from the breakup of the previous family.  I thought it was important to note that in step families it will take about two years to reach normalcy.  The birth parent should do all of the heavy discipline so there aren’t relationship problems between the child and new parent.  The step parent needs to take on the role as the fantastic uncle or aunt so that they can develop a positive relationship with the child.  Parents need to continue to council together to work out plans in the family.  All families take work, but it is worth it so that you can have a safe place to be where there is love for each person.  New families need to learn to bond but be realistic that their family won’t automatically feel close at first.  Step families can be a positive thing.