What I learned this week...

This week was about preparing for marriage and the definition of love.  I think that it is true that everyone has a different definition of love.  I like M. Scott Peck's indention of love: The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another's spiritual growth.  I believe that love should help each individual to grow and become better.  When I get married I want my husband and I to have that connection to bring out the best and each other and to learn and grow from each others strengths.

There are steps to marriage which is first dating, then courtship, and then engagement.  Dating is a really important step in finding what type of a person you want to marry.  Usually we are attracted to people who we are comfortable with and have the same interests.  It is important to go on dates rather than just hanging out.  Plan, paired off, and paid for are the steps to a good date according the Elder Oaks which helps us develops skills and meet a variety of people.  Courtship is the next step and this is where you learn what you value in a relationship.  The engagement stage is where you learn to make and solve decisions with your partner.  Each step is important to learning who you want to marry.

There are different types of love.  One is called agape and it is love that is not feeling based but because of good intentions for the person.  Storge is the parent to child love which means that this love is nurturing and committed.  Eros is the romantic/sexual love that involves passion which most people think of when they think of love.  Phillia is a friendship love.  I think that it is important to have a balance of each type of love in a marriage.

I also learned that a marriage is more likely to last if you have shared values, same religion, and a similar personality with your partner.  This is because you will both have the same goals in life and want to work together.  In a relationship it is also important to have time, togetherness, and talk (mutual disclosure).  Marriages will be more effective if couples spend time together and communicate effectively.

Gender and Family Life

This week in my family relations class we read a lot of resources and watched videos on same sex attractions.  Same sex marriage or attraction is a very touchy subject.  Men and women are very different and we have different roles to play.  According to my text book, Marriage and Family, The Quest For Intimacy by Robert H. Lauer and Jeanette C. Lauer, it says that women are typically more nurturing, manage dometic matters, have better eye contact, can read body language better, and ask more questions.  Men are more visual, aggressive, independent, and logical.  Gender roles are the behavior assigned with being male or female.  I learned how to act from my family and I'm grateful for the family I am in.  I have a mother and father who rear me in my religion of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I believe that marriage is between a man and a women.  In general conference Dallin H. Oaks said that laws by man can't change God's laws.  I believe that same sex marriage isn't okay to God because Gods laws are unchanging.

I was not educated about same sex attractions until this week and it was interesting to learn why people become gay or consider them gay.  Research has been found that people arn't born with a "gay" gene and that homosexuality isn't genetic.  People consider themselves gay by factors that happened to them throughout their life.  The factors can be if they were wounded by abuse, bullying, not having a father figure, having an over protective mother, didn't have touch or feel loved, or (and) viewed pornography.  It is important to realize that people become gay can be by choice or things that they have experienced.

A lot of time gay or lesbian people say that they are born that way and they can't change.  This is not true because people can change.  Heavenly Father can help you change and become a better person no matter what you do in life.  You are never too far gone!!!  It is important to be close to your family and get help by asking people you are comfortable talking to.  God loves all his children and I believe that family is one of the key points in raising his children.  Marriage is ordained of God between husband and wife and the reason people get married should be because they love each other and they can raise children to be righteous children because everyone is a child of God.

This week..

The topic this week was on social class and culture diversity.  I enjoy learning about how the outside enviornment affects the family and how we act.  It was interesting to see that people do judge others based on class.  Some factors that can affect your class is money, lifestyle, education, location, and appearance.  I believe that it can be hard to move up in class because usually generations are in the same class, but you can change.  An example is that you can be from a poor circumstance but then you choose to go to college, get a good job and you can become part of a higher class.  I also believe that you can change your social classes depending on your attitude.  Naturally people choose friends who are like them and have similar beliefs and value, or interests.  I think class could have a role in the type of friends you have and who you associate with can determine who you become.

Culture is beliefs, customs, arts that a group of people live by.  Anyone can change their culture but they can never change their race.  The US is such a diverse place that I believe that it is important to respect others and be understanding of cultures.  Cultures make families be more united and have a better sense of familism.  Some of my favorite times with my family is the memories that I've made of traditions.  Traditions unite families and make life more enjoyable.  Culture can be a big part of an individual and family's life and I believe that we should all be tolerant of others.  Elder Oaks said that tolerance means to be friendly and fair.  We need to be friendly and fair to other people around us and know that everyone is God's children and we should learn to love them.

What I learned this Week

The main thing I learned this week is that all families have rules.  Some rules are unspoken like don't text at the dinner table.  The family is a system and I like how it is said that the family as a whole is greater than the sum of its parts.  This to me means that the relationships between members in a family make the family who they are.  There are boundaries in families and the boundaries decide how close each individual in the family is going to be to each other.

There are four theories that affect families.  The first one is the exchange theory.  This means that you give and take in relationships.  I believe this theory because I want to marry someone who makes me smile and I gain more from the relationship then loosing.  The next theory is symbolic interaction and this means that all behavior has meaning.  An example is that you say something to your friend and they raise their eyebrows.  This could mean that they don't understand or are surprised at what you said.  All symbols have meanings and it can sometimes be hard to understand what people mean.  Its important to communicate through words because body language is 65% of communication and people will believe your body language over your words.  Another theory is the systems theory.  This means that the whole family is greater than the member.  Families need to work together and they will be more happy when they are conscious of other family members needs.  The last theory is conflict theory.  Families can have conflicts if there are limited resources.  Families have to balance their resources like time to have a happy atmosphere.